Everyone around me is pregnant, getting pregnant, or has just given birth. Not everyone knows that Tony and I are having problems getting pregnant so when someone announces that they are pregnant, I swallow the knot in my throat and put on a fake smile. Don't get me wrong....I am happy for these people. I just get upset because I'm normally not a jelous person. I hate feeling so emotional or that I have to change the subject quickly when people talk about their babies. I'm working on getting better but right now I'm just trying to deal with the feelings that have overwhelmed me in a way I never thought possible. I look at Tony and feel a sense of brokenness (if thats even a word) because I can't give him what we both want so badly. And it kills me to know my parents are watching me go through something that was such an emotional toll on them. I don't feel pressured because I want to experience the whole birthing experience the way a normal woman is supposed to.
I just finished with the second round of Clomid and we are praying that it works. If anyone has some baby dust I would like some please.....a whole bunch of it :) I know this post is depressing but people keep asking me how I am doing. I figured blogging would be a good way to get it out instead of repeating these feelings over and over again.
TOTALLY feel for you. A couple of years ago I went to a baby shower and it practically killed me. I was the only woman in there of the right age who wasn't PG or didn't already have a kid or baby. I had a hard time the whole day not just hating those women. It was a great shower, but I was loathing in self pity. UGH. My prayers and thoughts are with you this round works!!
ReplyDeleteI want to hear about it. Let it all out girl!
ReplyDeleteSending good thoughts your way!
xoxo
just put out an order for a crop duster to dump a load of baby dust on you...just a warning ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the wonderful comments and suppot. I apologize for the depressing blog but I don't have the energy to pretend that I'm thrilled about what I've beene experiencing.
ReplyDeleteNor should you be thrilled! In our field Kari, we often work with people who don't want children and reproduce like bunnies....then those of us who really want them will face some challenge to get there. Trust me, I almost went insane on a room full of women at a freaking baby shower!
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