Saturday, November 6, 2010
Rough Day
I don't know what happened. I was standing in the kitchen this morning and all of the sudden I became overwhelmed with everything. No, I'm not exhausted. I've been sleeping pretty good actually. I think it was the combination of holding my son down while we are trying this new taping method and listening to him scream, watching my husband wipe blood from Riley's lip because its sore, and trying to figure out how we are going to balance work with doctor's appointments and surgery. I haven't cried about Riley's condition since he's been born. Honestly, I thought I was over the crying but I guess I need to remember that it is a roller coaster with him. I love him and would not trade him for the world but I couldn't help thinking to myself is why couldn't life just be a little teensy bit easier. I know that all of the wishing for this is not going to help but sometimes I can't help it. Tony and I both want to give him the best life possible and he does need special care. This taping is not easy (no its not just putting a piece of tape across his lip although I know that's what it looks like in the pictures). Feeding him requires a lot more concentration than just sticking a bottle in his mouth and watching television. Being there everyday for him is something so important to us and we will do our best. Tony returns back to work tomorrow and I'm sad that we won't have has much time together. I think today was just accumulation of problems and I'd be lying if I told you guys that it gets easier each day because it doesn't.
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hang in there hun ♥ Call if you need to talk :)
ReplyDeleteJeni
Oh Kari, I know exactly what you mean cause I've been there. It's okay for you to cry.
ReplyDeleteWhen you have a baby born with a birth defect, it's like you go through a grieving process. A grieving process for the "perfect baby" you did not have. The days immediately following Rachel's birth were extremely hard for me and my husband. We did not know of her birth defect, so it made it that much more harder. And there's still been times in the last 6 years that I've had my cry over her having this journey that the Lord laid before us.
Next week, on the 17th, Rachel will have her next major surgery, a bone graft to her gum. I'm trying to hold it all together with each day that goes by and the closer we get to the day. And I know I'll be a mess the morning of surgery. But you know what, it's okay. And it's okay for you to be upset and overwhelmed about Riley and all that you and Tony have to do outside the "normal realms" of parenthood.
Hang in there, Kari. Hugs to you! :)