Frustrated

So I could not sleep in this morning. I'm feeling very frustrated by people right now. This blog is not directed at any particular person but geared more towards conversations that I've had with various people (including strangers). So if you read this and feel offended, please don't. This is not intended to put anyone down but I just need to vent.

I feel sad that we live in a place with people who are so judgemental and hypocritical of others. I'm going to use the medical field as a basis for this blog because this is an area where I am passionate about. For example, I've recently decided to have a c-section. For those of you who have been talking with me this has not been an easy decision. I really wanted to have a vaginal birth. However, with much research and talking with people (including my medical team) Tony and I have reached the decision to have a C-section. And no, my doctor did not recommend it and left the decision completely up to us. I feel that this is the best thing for me and the baby. Yes, I know the increased risks to me and the baby. But isn't there risks to everything we do? There are increased risk by putting my son through various surgery to fix his birth defect so does that mean I shouldn't fix his problem? Don't think so. I've heard comments about people saying that they don't have faith in our medical system because they've had some bad experiences. I've had some bad experiences with mechanices. Does that mean I'm not going to have my car fixed when there is something wrong with it because of those bad experiences? Certainly not. I'll go to a different mechanic or get a second opinon.

I wish I could tell you that our medical care system is great and that every doctor I work with is totally awesome. This isn't true. I disagree with some of our doctors on a daily basis. However, I see a lot of good that comes from good doctors and good medical teams on a daily basis. Funny how people say that they have lost faith in our healthcare system and are quick to judge others making their medical decisions, but when they get sick they go get help from the "people they've lost faith in". Stop blaming others and take responsibility for your decisions whether its to get a c-section or run for president. People are going to find good and bad in everything they do. If you disagree with something, get a second opinion and do research (and not at some stupid .com website, learn to look for reliable resources). Talk to others who have gone through similar experiences but don't just rely on those people's opinions to point you in the right direction.

I can't tell you how many times people judged me for getting the genetic testing done. Many are against genetic testing because of false positives and the fact that people make "bad" decisions if something shows up. If Riley's condition would have shown up on the genetic screen (cleft and lip palattes don't specifically raise your numbers) would I have aborted him or change my course of my pregnancy in anyway? Absolutely not. Would I have aborted my child if I knew he would have a very poor quality of life and wouldn't live past the age of one? Maybe. I'm glad I had the testing done and agreed for another ultrasound. It certainly did not change our course of action but now Tony and I are prepared and will be able to handle Riley's condition to the fullest of our ability. I don't see the harm in knowing ahead of time about his condition. One thing I learned from this experience is you can't judge someone's situation/decisions unless you've been through it yourself and you have as much reliable knowledge on the issue to make an informed decision.

I'm not perfect and I am guilty of trying to argue and judge on points that I'm no educated on. Politics is a good example. I seemed to have opinions on various topics but no evidence to back that up. I've sinced stopped doing this for the most part (partially because Tony and my dad would get so frustrated with me) and the fact that I realized I was making decisions and judging others when I didn't have all the facts. This isn't right. Just because I disagree with something doesn't mean I need to judge others. Do I agree with giving birth at home or not treating your ailments because of religious purposes?? Absolutely not but I'm learning to respect people's decisions and try to educate myself on why people make these decisions. As long as they are educated in their decisions and feel that this is the best thing for them, then I can respect their reasonings.

Anyways, I have no idea if this blog makes any sense to people but just thought I'd vent for a little while :)

Drs appt update

Today was a bit more eventful than that I thought it would be. I got to ak a lot of questions about what having a c-section is like and discussed the bit of cramping I'd been having. Cramping I guess is normal which is good as I haven't had any other symptoms of prelabor and the contractions I have been having are very sporatic. No bed rest for me which is good. We are planning my c-section around the 22nd of October in which I'll be 39 1/2 weeks. We should know for sure the date within the next appt or 2. And yes, I have decided on a C-section for many reasons. I don't want to hear about how labor is such an amazing experience blah blah blah. I'm not into the whole natural crap and when there is something wrong with your child you want that baby out as soon as possible. I'm already going to be freaked out enough by being a patient in the hospital (for those of you who know me I can't even get my blood drawn without passing out). I don't want to go through hours of labor stressed out if my baby is okay or not. No thank you so a c-section it is. I'm very excited for him to come and am looking forward to meeting him. I know we have a long road ahead of us but the last few weeks I've really come to terms with how our baby is going to look and what we need to do to fix it. Thank you for all your support!

9 1/2 more weeks...

It just hit me that I only have 9 1/2 weeks until Riley comes into this world. Tony and I are both ecstatic but both of us are very nervous. We are just keeping our fingers crossed and praying that there is nothing else wrong with our little boy. I know that when I look at Riley for the first time, it will be the happiest moment but I'm still nervous to see how bad his cleft will be. Due to him not having a palate, I am a bit nervous about him being able to feed but we are doing our best not to worry. We are having a lot more positive days that negative ones at this point and feel we are dealing with things very well.

As for me, I am soooo uncomfortable. Being short is hard while pregnant. I still look down at my stomach in amazement everyday and think to myself the human body is absolutely amazing. I have a lot of shortness of breath and get up every 3 hours to pee. Plus, I keep wanting to sleep on my back or stomach since my hips get sore from laying on my side. I switch sides everytime I wake up but its still not comfortable. I'm finding I'm getting tired again. I just got done working a 12 hour shift and have another one tomorrow. Hopefully I get some good rest tonight!!

The "Finished" Nursary and Riley Updates

Well, Tony and I (mostly Tony as I worked long hours over the weekend) have "finished"' the nursary. I have finished in quotes because the main things we wanted to get done are finished but we have some smaller things to add and we still need a dresser and a glider. I helped Tony with the painting and the bottom border. We tried to take off the car border at the top but it took Tony forever to take off just a few feet of it. Tony decided that he would cover it up with the border we bought so we'd have a double border. I was very afraid I must admit, but I thought it turned out really cute. The lettering and quote were a surprise. I came home from work and he put the top border on, put the quote and Riley's name up (which he didn't even tell me he ordered), and built the crib. It was such a nice surprise. Here's what Riley's room looks like now:

I'm really happy with how his room is turning out so far.

I had another ultrasound and an OB appointment on Tuesday. The ultrasound looked good according to my Dr. Riley's head is down and all of his measurements are good which means so far he's a heathy baby boy. I can't ever see well on those 2d ultrasounds. The tech showed me Riley's cleft but I still couldn't tell what I was looking at . Tony wasn't there for the ultrasound as he had a meeting at work but he made the drs appt. So he obviously didn't get to see Riley's cleft. It's still there though. Not that it would disappear but its so hard not to pray that it'll just magically disappear. I can wish but I know the reality is that it won't. Anyways, Riley and I are healthy so far. He's in the 44th % as far as his size which the doctor says is just fine. I'll see the ob again in 2 weeks and I think I get at least one more ultrasound.

Today we had our appt with the plastic surgeon. He's a nice guy but likes to interrupt. Being in an environment where Tony and I work with doctors on a daily basis we are aware that different types of doctors are like different species. So, while that aspect annoyed us he defin itely has his patients at heart. We really didn't learn much new information. Tony and I have both read so much that a lot of the information we are getting is repeat. Which is fine. He knows his information really well. We are limited in our choices of doctors anyways as there are only 4 surgeons that can handle Riley's case and 2 are close to retirement. We are happy with who we picked out and don't feel that we need to seek any further assistance. He is very familiar with the NAM device and seems to use it a lot which is what we wanted. Granted we won't know if Riley is a candidate for it until he is born but this is a device we are hoping we can use. He says he starts taping the cleft down almost immediately after birth and wants us to send him pictures as soon as he is born so we can find out what exactly what we are in for. The bad news is, is that there is only one pediatric orthodontist in the whole entire state that can adjust the NAM....thankfully she is located in downtown Phoenix. The NAM is adjust usually once a week so we have to make the hour + drive to have it adjusted weekly for the first 4 or so months of his life but we are more than happy to do it. Our physician operates out of Thunderbird hospital which is great because its much closer than driving to Cardens or Phoenix Children's which is about an hour or so away as well. Not that we wouldn't drive him far to get surgery but the easier things are the better. I've been a little emotional today as it is always hard to hear that your baby will have to have several surgeries likely but I think Tony and I are doing pretty well. Please let me know if anyone has any questions. I'll be more than happy to answer them.

Starting The Nursery

Saturday Tony and I painted Riley's Nursery. The brown you''ll see in the pictures is the original color that covered the walls and the green is new. We are putting a wallpaper border where the brown and green meet up that has safary animals on it. The top border that has cars on it is going to be removed. Riley's crib and matress came this week and we are looking forward to putting these things together. We are happy with how the color turned out. Here are some pics:

Before.....

Getting ready to paint

Tony hard at work

After...still need to remove the top border and that valace....Not bad for neither of us ever painting a room!!

In other news, Tony called and made an appointment with the plastic surgeon I spoke with for next Wednesday. I'm looking forward to this but am a little nervous. A rep from Absent 8 called on Monday and told me that my claim for FMLA was filed as a short term disability....I don't qualify because I haven't been full time for a year. Duh! I knew that. I went to go file for FMLA only but the lady told me I needed to wait until about a week before the baby is born. How annoying!! Oh well. We are starting to get things moving which is making everything a touch bit easier.